A breakdown of the community on the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. Some caution is advised, since this is based only on two internet surveys, but we’re not going to have much better data than this for a long time. “Romantic orientation” tells us which gender(s), if any, the asexual is inclined to form romantic relationships with. “Assigned” refers to the gender (male or female) assigned at birth. “Cis” means having the same gender identity as the gender assigned at birth.
Coming Out Day~*~
I’ve never mentioned this to anyone before, in part because I’ve only just recently realized it, but heerree weee gooooo:
I identify myself as heteroromantic demisexual.
(the “hetero” being best classified as “straight-ish”)
The demisexual bit. “the hell is that?” you may be asking. Let me borrow some lines from this sweet website:
“A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone.”
“Demisexuals are not choosing to abstain; they simply lack sexual attraction until a close relationship is formed.”
When I started reading more about demisexuality, everything in my life started making sense. Somehow I never realized that the majority of people actually feel sexual attraction to strangers. Even typing that right now is strange. That… just doesn’t happen to me. Ever. Eeeevvveeerrrr. If I ever express interest in a stranger, it’s most likely an aesthetic attraction.
That kind of sexual attraction based on immediate information from people (e.g. appearence, smell, behaviors) is primary sexual attraction and is apparently something the majority of people feel, and is something that I do not feel.
Secondary sexual attraction develops after forming a strong relationship and connection with someone. This is when demisexuals feel sexual attraction. Only after really getting to know someone is it possible for a sexual attraction to happen.
I don’t know if any of this makes sense to anyone, but there it is. I don’t necessarily feel like I need people to know this for my identity, BUT I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT THIS EXISTS. Because I went my WHOLE LIFE up until a month or so ago not realizing the details of this, and not realizing that I was demisexual.
I should also mention that demisexuality falls on the asexuality spectrum. Asexuality is when a person doesn’t feel primary NOR secondary sexual attraction.
I should also mention that it is possible for demisexuals and asexuals to feel romantic attraction (myself being heteroromantic).
AVEN is a strong source for more in-depth information about any of this: http://www.asexuality.org/home/
Thanks for reading <3
Looking For Asexual Bloggers
I would like to feature links to other asexual blogs on the additional pages of my blog. I hope to provide as many sources as possible, and it would be wonderful to offer links to other aces willing to answer questions. I’m looking for individuals of varying romantic orientations, as well as demisexuals, grey-asexuals, and aces with kinks.
If you would like a link of your blog to be featured, send me a message with your sexual/romantic orientation and I will most definitely add it.
I’ve recently begun to identify as asexual.
A heteromantic grey-asexual to be exact.
Honestly, I feel really good about it.
I mean, I’ve had boyfriends, and the romantic parts of the relationship were great, but I knew something was different because I never felt attracted to them sexually. Making out for me was just ” going through the motions”. I never felt anything that every made me go” I definitely want to go further with this person.” With my most recent bf, I pretty much forced myself to try and enjoy making out, and I felt horrible every time cause I had to lie and pretend I was enjoying it as much as he was. I broke up with my last boyfriend, not only because he was rather clingy and his love boarded on “obsessive”,at least for me, but even when we would sit on the couch together, cuddled up, I actually hated it sometimes, and I’d only do it because I knew he liked being close to me. I mean I like being cuddled sometimes, but when I need my space, I NEED MY SPACE. And making out with him was never really…wow, you know?
I broke up with him, mostly because I didn’t feel right knowing that he honestly felt more strongly about me than I did him, and that I had pretty much decided I wasn’t planning on having sex with him.
After talking with my best friend, she told me she thought I may be asexual, and I think that’s when the possibility actually made sense to me. I had heard about it, and after researching it, as I still am, I feel pretty comfortable knowing that there’s nothing wrong with me.
Dear people in the ace tags:
Heteroromantic asexuals are not straight.
They may be “straight-passing”. They may get some benefits of straight privilege.
But they are not straight.
Not being sexually attracted to people does not fit into the culture of heteronormativity.
By saying that heteroromantic asexuals are automatically straight, you are erasing the “asexual” part of their identity. Stop it.
Now, I don’t feel comfortable getting into the debate over whether or not asexuals should be allowed to use the word “queer” to describe themselves. All I’m asking is that, for people involved in that debate, stop erasing the “asexual” part of heteroromantic asexuals.
Because, once again, they are not straight.